Dear Parents,

Our names are ____________ and _____________, and our daughter ______________ is in Miss _______________’s kindergarten class this year. We already know many of you and some of you know ___________ from preschool.

I'm writing this letter because many of _______________’s classmates don't know her and they will probably be curious about the fact that she has only one hand. It is important to us that the students are comfortable with her limb difference. In an effort to satisfy your child's natural curiosity and keep awkward situations to a minimum, I'd like to tell you a little bit about her and offer suggestions about what to say to kids who wonder about her missing hand.

First of all, this is the way _____________ was born. Suffice it to say, this event occurs when a body part gets tangled in amniotic tissue which restricts its growth. This is easily translated to kids as, "That's the way she was born. Her arm didn't grow quite right when she was in her mommy's tummy." Some children hear the physical explanation and go about their business without second thoughts. At this age though, it's more common they will want more details.

The easiest way to help a child understand something like this is to remind them how we are all different from each other. You can engage them in this conversation by pointing out the obvious differences: hair, eyes, glasses, height, skin color, size of feet, etc. The list is endless. It's also a good idea to explain that _______________'s arm is not broken, painful, shameful, sad or frightening. It is simply different. While it is unique, she doesn't consider it "special" and we do not refer to it as such. Sometimes children will also be concerned about how she will do certain things with only one hand. I usually remind them that she does all the same things they do, just in different ways. She has never had two hands so she learns to do everything with one. Questions they have about how she does things will be answered naturally when they see _____________in action.

Once you get to know _______ it's easy to forget she has only one hand. She is a determined young lady who adapts easily. She wears two mittens in winter, washes both hands, plays with toys, eats, drinks, climbs like a monkey, and successfully dresses herself. She refers to her right hand as her "little hand" just like in Finding Nemo, and she uses the end of it just as the rest of us use our hands: painting with it, digging in the dirt, holding things, clapping, making "hand"prints, etc. There are tasks she gets frustrated with but most of the time she takes challenges in stride and manages creatively.

_________ usually handles questions from peers fairly well but is easily intimidated by comments and inquiries about her arm. The thing that bothers her most is when people touch her arm and hand inappropriately. It happens more often than you might imagine, and although the intentions are not malicious, it causes a good bit of discomfort. Some children are so curious that they instinctively reach out and grab ___________'s handless arm. People sometimes want to squeeze, twist or poke her little arm, even those who grimace rudely as they grope for a closer look. This is absolutely NOT acceptable and the invasion sometimes can be scary. I think this issue is best addressed in a general discussion about personal space and keeping your hands to yourself.

We have also experienced the opposite reaction, kids who are afraid of ________'s difference. They may not want to stand or sit next to her, avoid holding "hands" with her during circle activities, or they make "yucky," "gross," or "scary" comments. Obviously, this is upsetting, but it is a natural reaction for some kids. I encourage you to share any questions or concerns with us that you or your child may have regarding ___________’s limb difference. Regardless of whether they have met her or not, you can share some of this information with your child(ren) to help eliminate the mystery. If your child is afraid, please let Miss ________________ or me know so we can deal with it right away.

I just wanted to let you know that we welcome conversation about our daughter and we look forward to getting to know you and your children.

Sincerely,

Proud Parents